I had my cell phone in my hand while I was reaching for the charger cord to plug it in. I was thinking about what I had just read on the computer.

“Moron,” I said. My phone came to life.

“Moron, a stupid person.”

That is just wrong. I get it, but it’s just wrong. I didn’t live for just over sixty years to be told what a freaking moron is by my phone.  And I don’t know that some information sucking program isn’t shooting out into the internet ether the fact that, basically, “this idiot just asked what a moron was.”

And while I’m at it, I don’t want my car driving for me, either. I’ve spent over forty years perfecting my parallel parking. I”m doing just fine, thank you. I know when I need to stop – I can handle that quite well by myself.

Here’s what it comes to. The morons (and yes, I know what that means) have more time to spend on their cell phone, because, hey, the car will stop for me. But that doesn’t matter when they are going twenty miles an hour – in a thirty-five mph zone – in the middle lane getting the final instructions for the party in two hours.

Then they speed up at the end of the conversation – without looking. Almost running into the car in front of her because he just slowed down to answer the phone. Which would have caused a pile-up except some of us were paying attention. Unfortunately, not all of us who were paying attention reacted correctly. Which caused a number of hearts to stop. Fortunately, they started again.

I understand – the idea is to make the vehicles safer. I get that. But at the same time it gives people more leeway to think: Hey, I’ve seen the commercials and the salesman told me. I don’t have to watch that close because the car will stop for me. Which is only partly true. From what I’ve seen, if you’re going excessively fast, it may stop for you, but it might snap your neck.

And the sensors had better be working in fine order. The fact that check engine lights come on for no reason does not instill the driver with confidence. If you are going too fast, can the car stop you before hitting the vehicle in front of you? Or behind you, in the case of parallel parking? I wonder.

Having said all that, here is my main point. There is an inordinate amount of people who cannot walk and chew gum at the same time. Much less drive and talk on the phone – or anything else – at the same time.

Why would we give them more time to be stupid? What good does my car that can brake for me do when the idiot on the phone jams on the brakes? Or rear end’s me? Talk about sensory overload!!

Peace be with you.